Have you Heard of Complicated Grief?
I hadn’t! Until I realized I was experiencing it.
Complicated grief is a prolonged lasting reaction to loss. Situations where people cannot get over the fact that someone is gone or they keep relieving the occurrence of the loss. Those who are experiencing complicated grief often feel stuck in a particular emotion and they can see to move past it. Most times the loss was either traumatic, sudden death suicide, or lack of closure from a relationship.
Examples of Complicated Grief
Sudden Loss of a Loved One
A woman loses her husband in a car accident. Even months later, she can’t stop replaying the moment she got the news. She avoids driving past the accident site and feels intense guilt, constantly wondering if she could have done something to prevent it.
Death by Suicide
A man loses his best friend to suicide, with no explanation or note left behind. He’s repeatedly consumed by unanswered questions, replaying their last conversations and wondering what signs he missed. He starts pulling away from others and feels stuck in his grief.
Loss of a Child
Parents who lose their child to illness can’t bring themselves to move on. They leave the child’s room exactly as it was, afraid to change anything and lose the connection. Their minds are stuck on endless “what ifs” and “if only,” keeping the pain fresh.
Estranged Relationship with No Closure
A woman loses her estranged father, with whom she hadn’t spoken in years. She struggles with unresolved anger and sadness, feeling robbed of the chance to reconcile or say goodbye. The lack of closure makes it hard to process his passing and move forward.
End of an Abusive Relationship
A woman leaves an abusive partner but finds herself struggling to move on. She feels relief and guilt at the same time, while unresolved trauma and self-doubt keep pulling her back emotionally. She often replays moments of the abuse and feels stuck, mourning the version of the relationship she had hoped for.
Consecutive Short Losses
A man loses his mother, then his brother, and shortly after, his closest friend, all within a year. The rapid succession of losses leaves him unable to grieve one before another fully occurs, creating an overwhelming sense of loss and emotional paralysis. It also applies types of losses besides physical death.
What are the Symptoms?
People with complicated grief often feel emotionally numb, shocked, or stuck in their sadness. They might distance themselves from others, believing their happiness depended on the person they lost. They may feel lost, unsure of who they are without that person, or uncomfortable with changes in their life. This type of grief is usually recognized after six months or longer, especially if cultural, social, or religious ties make it harder to move forward.
What are some ways to process Complicated Grief?
Because there are so many layers to complicated grief, there isn’t a single way to process it. The first step is becoming self-aware (one of the core pillars of emotional intelligence). Are you showing signs of rumination—a constant replay of what happened or what could have been?
One thing that helped me deal with complicated grief after an abusive relationship was repeatedly retelling the story as it truly was, not as I had created it to be in my mind. This process allowed me to view the situation from the outside looking in. It brought a different kind of pain—one that was more tangible—however, it also gave me the clarity to use the right self-regulation tools to work through it.
In my next EI workshop, " Transforming Disappointments into Possibilities, " I will discuss loss (including some personal ones) and grief. We’ll explore how to develop emotional awareness, acquire tools for self-regulation, and transform our pain into something that helps us navigate life differently while also contributing to others.
Date: December 14, 2024
Time: 11 am - 1 pm EST
Cost: $29.99
